Nightlife
Originally published on Wednesday, 20th February 2008
UJ Too-Cool-For-School Club Manifesto
Lost somewhere between over-hype and under-the-radar cool, and months of half-bothered 'are they, aren't they', the luxurious Nikki Beach London club, Dolce, finally opened its doors to the public last week.
Not that such dawdling is anything new: they were just following the various Almadas and Bungalows of the London scene. But, just to make it easier for all the future club owners out there, we thought we'd save you a few grand in PR fees by breaking it down:
1. Start by creating a website that is slick yet utterly opaque. Since the reality will doubtless be a disappointment, the aim is to maintain an air of mystery and exclusivity.
2. Be sure to 'open' at least a month or two before you actually open. Whilst Fashion Week is ideal, any media awards and celebrity parties should suffice.
3. Ensure that such slebs get snapped at your club as early as possible. An A-list poseur, a C-list cat-fight and a bleary-eyed, early morning pap-shot should cover your bases.
4. Only circulate your press release either moments before you actually open, shortly afterwards, or never at all. That way no one will really have a clue what you are about.
5. If you opt for a members policy, be a little hazy about it at the beginning (turned-away crowds are a good thing), and make sure to charge as much as you can. Even if your venue is empty/naff, the more fools you have paying £3k per year, the more exclusive it will seem.
6. Do not turn away all the cool kids or pretty blaggers. Without us for fun, all that wealth will be entirely dull, meaningless and boring.
