"'Twas well they married each other, for then there were two unhappy, instead of four", once said an Irish writer whose name escapes me (Yeats?, Behan?, anyone?)

Bear this in mind today as you attempt to negotiate the minefield that is V day. In many ways it's better to be single, since you've got a better than average chance of a shag, and you're not lumbered with the mental pressure of buying sufficient fleurs / chocs etc, and sitting in a battery restaurant, like pairs of animals being prodded with profiteroles to encourage mating.

The length bars, hotels, and holiday resorts go to in order to persuade us that instant divorce will be the result of failure to buy your beloved a luxury spa experience/ platinum vibrator/ chocolate tasting course in The Maldives is amazing.